Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
