Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize