I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
