do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
