Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
