I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
