I wannas sexs uuuuu
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
