Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
