Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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