I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
