All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
