he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
