i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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