Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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