Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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