Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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