dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
