I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
