My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
