I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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