i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
