oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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