First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've blown a few things in my day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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