like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
