I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
