I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
