dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
