fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
