i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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