Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
