small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
