I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
