barbara walters just said penis...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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