I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
