Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize