It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
