I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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