I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize