you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
