i just had sex bonerless
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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