I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The air taste purple.
Randomize
