She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
