we have pet lesbian snakes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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