I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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