Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
