I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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