I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
