what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
