I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
