living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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