Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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