I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need a beard to bite.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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