no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
