How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
