You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
