I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
