"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
