New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
