I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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