I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
