i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
