my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
