I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
