Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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