Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
