So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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