I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
