Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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