my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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