I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
