we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
