Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
